


Young Gods |Stucky|

by Fatbottombarnes



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Artist Steve Rogers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky loves cock, Cheating, F/F, F/M, He's Steve's personal sin. so maybe., Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, Is Bucky the actual Devil?, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve Rogers loves god, Steve is a size queen, Steve/Bucky have sex in a church, Sub Steve Rogers, Top Bucky Barnes, but he might as well be cause his wife is ugh, plus it's heavily religious where they live so...homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-26 21:49:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30112542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatbottombarnes/pseuds/Fatbottombarnes
Summary: Steve Rogers is a respectable, married and Church going man. He loves his job, teaching pre-schoolers to paint Noah's Ark. On the outside his quaint little life looks perfect, a beautiful wife and home, a nursery all decorated ready for whenever Francine gets pregnant.Except things go wrong, quickly. The vacant house is 'SOLD' to a man his age. But that man ain't a man at all, he's Steve personal test from God. He's the perfect sin, he'll lead him down the path of deceit away from God- and Steve is more than willing to run down that path just to be happy.Bucky Barnes is a rebellious, unattached, rocker. He initially thinks he'll hate his neighbours, till he learns that Steve isn't as happy as he makes himself out to be. That Francine isn't the perfect wife. He learns Steve holds a lot of resentment towards his family and, maybe, had forced himself to be a different person in the fear of rejection.Perhaps, Bucky can teach Steve there's more to life than his Beliefs.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Riley/Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 69





	1. Corinthians 16:13-14

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based upon Halsey's song "Young Gods" also I watched Devil All The Time and got some ideas from that for this.  
> Not entirely sure how long this fic will be, but it's going to be smutty as fuck. Probably, the most smut I've ever written for a fic before. 
> 
> Bucky is kinda an asshole throughout this fic, but he's soft on Steve.

The quaint, white three-bed house next door to the Rogers’ household had been ‘FOR SALE’ since the couple had moved in 1.5 years ago. They never had an immediate neighbour to the left since they arrived in the small cul-de-sac community, it hadn’t bothered the couple considering Marsha two doors over on the left always made them feel like her immediate neighbour- despite the vacant house between them. 

Steve had resigned himself to thinking that the house would forever be vacant. No one would live inside of it. He didn’t understand why since he had seen families look around with the estate agent, it was a new build like his and it was a reasonable price. 

He didn’t want to believe that perhaps what was driving potential buyers away was the heavy religious impact on the area. A local church was within walking distance from this cul-de-sac, the closest schools in the district were all Bible schools; one of which Steve taught at. 

Steve attends church every morning with his wife, Francine, who runs the afternoon tea luncheon on Tuesdays and Saturdays at the church. Steve had always grown up believing in God, his mother made him attend and he was a choir-boy for some time. His heavy beliefs never left him, not even when he left home off to college for Art. Once graduating with a Masters in Art History he went back home where his mother introduced him to a nice girl, who she met at church, a mere 7 months later he was marrying her within the church he was raised in. 

It’s what his mother wanted and he couldn’t disappoint her, which in turn would disappoint God. 

They had quickly moved away from his mother after their marriage and found a nice three-bed home to live in, in the hopes of children following soon after their move. That hasn’t happened yet, not that they haven’t tried, to no avail, they can’t get pregnant. 

Steve has heard Francine pray for their babies before sex, even during which admittedly is a little off-putting when you think about it. But he can’t fault her, it’s all him anyway. 

“Steven,” The blonde man quickly pulls himself from his thoughts as he looks up towards his wife. “Have you heard a single word I’ve spoken?” He can only shake his head with his hands in the pockets of his black slacks, it earns an eye-roll. “I said, I got some interesting news today at my luncheon. We’ve got ourselves a new neighbour.” 

Steve scoffs and frowns, he hadn’t seen anyone enter that house to view it in months. “Think someone’s been drinking too much Church wine,” he chuckles but quickly stops at the glare he receives from Franny. 

“Marsha watched as the estate agent put a ‘SOLD’ sticker before she left today,” Franny crosses her arms with a smug smile, gloating wasn’t very Christian but he wasn’t going to say that. “Also she got to talking with him and the guy who brought it isn’t very religious,” Steve didn’t care for gossip but Franny loved to stick her nose into business that isn’t hers. “Drives a motorcycle and is in a rock band, so you know what that means?” 

“Probably, wouldn’t want to attend my book club every Wednesday at the church.” He was only half-serious with that. 

Franny heavily sighs, “No.” Is her disgruntled reply to that, “He likely takes drugs, parties and fornicates with everything that breathes near him. I wouldn’t be surprised if this neighbour starts to decline because of him; we’ll start seeing prostitutes on these streets within a week, a drug dealer knocking on our door, and our beloved church becoming a rehab clinic.” 

Steve tunes her out after that. Her venting going in one ear and out the other, he didn’t have anything against the new homeowner- he couldn’t since he hadn’t met him. Would he have preferred a family who loved God? Sure. But a guy in a rock band didn’t seem so bad, admittedly, at college, he had a roommate who loved the music that wasn’t “Jesus friendly”. 

He had listened to Metallica, Guns N Roses, The Beach Boys and enjoyed them, in private. Steve was also under the belief that God loved everyone, no matter the person. He’ll forgive them for their sins if they repent, even at the gates. Not everyone has a good start in life and women who sell their bodies for… that… should be given respect for trying to make a living. 

When Steve pulls into their cul-de-sac he can see the red ‘SOLD’ sticker over the post in the front yard. A big part of him was excited to have a new neighbour, hardly anyone moves since it’s so quiet, and quaint enough. 

A new person, to Steve, is going to be a fantastic idea. 

“Maybe Marsha got the wrong information. We might have a family move next door to us,” Steve smiles as he parks in their drive and gets out. 

“Great.” Franny sighs un-excitedly. “A permanent visual reminder of what we’re not, a family.” 

That stung a little. He pushes those feelings down as he follows inside their home that feels nothing like the word it’s meant to represent. No photos are hung on the walls of them anywhere, not even their wedding photos. Steve knows they have photos, he’s the one that takes them, but Franny insists that it looks vain to hang photos of themselves as a couple. 

There’s another reason, especially why they don’t have photos in their bedroom but neither talk about it- despite both knowing he knows. This is why there’s no intercourse tonight or any night this week, sometimes he can stomach it but this week has been tough to get through without the added misery of pretending she turns him on enough to get it up. 

####  **Morning- Saturday**

Steve had attended church with Franny, left Franny at the church for her to set up the luncheon as he went home. He decided to go for a run, he fit in working out whenever he could. His life wasn’t hectic but his loyalty to God made mornings a little difficult, plus working with kids usually tired him out. 

He turns the corner leading up to their cul-de-sac when he spots the moving van parked in his neighbours’ drive-way. His running slows to a light jog, his eyes darting across the men carrying what looked to be a table covered in a sheet. The back of the van was open and he could see various furniture and boxes precariously in the yard. 

None of the moving men looks to be the owner, Steve’s eyes then drift to a sofa sat on the lawn and a body is sprawled across it, face-down and wearing dark clothing. Wondering if maybe that’s the owner, sure does fit the description of someone in a band. 

Steve pulls his earphones out and lets them rest around his neck, maybe he should shower and change before introducing himself? A good impression is the best impression, smelling nice would be beneficial. 

“Riley!” A stern voice captures both Steve’s and the sleeping man on the sofa, “What’re you doing? You’re meant to be helping me move this shit, not sleep on my new sofa. If I wanted no help I would’ve asked your husband.” 

The voice belongs to the guy walking out of the house, a tall broad-shouldered man. Dark hair perfectly tousled around his head, glasses perched in his hair. He’s dressed casually, but not dressed for moving because those jeans look a tad too tight for lifting boxes. 

Steve quickly decides a shower is best, turning his light jog into a fast-paced walk. Plus some clothes that aren’t a loose tank with basketball shorts. 

“Oh, hey!” That same stern voice calls, Steve makes the mistake of looking up and making direct eye contact with the man. “Are you my neighbour?” All Steve can do is nod dumbly and point to the house he’s walking up the driveway to. “Riley, I do have neighbours.” He calls over his shoulder as he steps over a box wall and walks up to Steve, a hand extended out. 

“Uh-Steve Rogers,” Steve wipes his hand on his tank before taking his new neighbours’, noticing that the slight skin of his wrist that’s shown is covered in tattoos. “Pleasure to meet you.” 

“James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky.” Steve nods, already knowing that he’ll address him by his first name. “You’re the first neighbour I’ve seen, startin’ to think this place was a ghost town.” They let go at the same time but Steve, for some reason, can still feel the warmness of his palm in his own. 

Steve chuckles and nods, looking around and knows they’re being watched. “Probably, all baking stuff so they can come over and snoop once you’re settled.” The laugh he earns makes himself chuckle, feeling a bit shy when looking straight into James’ eyes but brushing it off as nerves- he’s never good at meeting new people off the bat. “So, do you need any help with these boxes?” James looks like he’s about to protest. 

“Yes, we do.” Riley, Steve assumes, shouts from the sofa but this time he’s sitting up. 

“I don’t mind. Honestly, I’m dressed for lifting boxes more than you are, plus I’ll just shower later.” 

Before James can protest Steve is walking around him. He’s been raised as a good samaritan and would personally go to the confessional if he didn’t help with the boxes. 

“For your information, this is my casual jacket. It was brought for this type of work,” Steve picks up a box and raises an eyebrow at James. “Shut up. That goes to the kitchen,” James dismissively waves at Steve towards the open front door. 

He steps over the threshold of the house, it’s a similar layout to his own home and heads straight to the kitchen where he sets the box on the countertop. Boxes are littered throughout the house and furniture are haphazardly in rooms with sheets over them, briefly wondering how James would decorate this place. 

Steve spends an hour helping James and Riley, who is James’ best friends husband, move the boxes inside of the house. Steve even helps the movers move the sofa into the living room, he mostly did all the lifting for them because he could handle it better. 

“Thanks for the help, Steve.” James sighs as he plops down onto his sofa, not before passing both Steve and Riley a beer each. Steve wasn’t much of a drinker, he’d never been drunk because the Bible states against heavy drinking, but he took a few sips to be polite. “Boxes would likely still be outside if you didn’t carry it all inside.” 

For the first time, in a long time, Steve felt ashamed to be a Christian. James had taken his jacket off early on, his arms littered in many tattoos and through his thin, grey shirt, Steve could tell he had two things pierced on his body. Riley wasn’t any different, covered in tattoos but had a lip piercing that Steve had to focus not to stare at. 

He had heard them cuss all day long, hardly a sentence didn’t have some explorative in it. He had never felt this much of an outsider before, this different to people. Growing up he was surrounded by Churchgoers like him, in college he joined a Christian club so he wasn’t alone with God all the time. Now he lives here, where religion is paraded around like a badge of honour. 

“Well, you’re new and I wouldn’t be a very good neighbour if I didn’t offer assistance.” Steve shrugged with one shoulder, suddenly realising how he’s dressed in this person’s new home, and he probably smells terrible. “I actually should head-” Steve hears a car door close and looks to see Franny exiting their car. “Gotta go. I haven’t done any laundry and she is gonna be mad.” 

James gets up and walks with Steve to the door, when it opens they capture the attention of Franny, who is holding grocery bags in her hands looking at her husband with a frown. He gives her a small wave as James smiles hugely and waves, already walking around Steve to introduce himself. 

Steve watches as she smiles politely, but he knows she’s judging this guy. The way her eyes trail his tattoos and then looks over his shoulder at him, giving him a single hard stare. 

“Sorry for keeping your husband, he helped move my boxes and my furniture, so it’s all my fault that he didn’t do any house chores.” James pats Steve’s shoulder with a broad grin, almost challenging his wife to say otherwise. 

“Well, that’s Steve,” Franny shrugs her shoulders with an overly polite smile, “he’s always been a good Christian boy, he woulda helped Jesus’carry his crucifix.” 

Steve can’t bring himself to look up from his sneakers when Franny says that, a heavy silence falling between the three. He looks up and sees Franny’s crucifix gleam in the evening light, almost mocking him further. 

“Welp, I need a shower.” Steve dissolves and doesn’t glance at James till he’s five feet away. 

James doesn’t seem offended to find out Steve’s religious, he smiles and waves as the couple enters their house together. Steve was afraid of what James might think of him now or if James thought that Steve would judge him. 

He wouldn’t, that isn’t who he is. That isn’t what Steve believes his religion is, sure, some somethings were sinful- he’s pretty sure that James has likely done most. But he couldn’t judge, that was God’s job. 

“What exactly were you doing over there?” Franny asked with a huff as she heaved the grocery bags onto the counter in the kitchen. “That house is going to be a sin-bin and you’re over there being neighbourly?” A hand on her hip as it’s jutted out. 

Steve frowns and shakes his head. “That’s a bit far-fetched, Francine. James seems like a good person, he lives a different lifestyle to us and that’s okay.” 

Steve would’ve thought he had slapped Franny due to her reaction, the gasp he pulled from her actually startled him a bit. “Steven. You are not to talk to him, you hear me? You’re a teacher of pre-schoolers at a Christian school. If they found out you were being all buddy with a man who has disgraced his body with those horrible tattoos then they’d think twice about letting you near children.” 

Instead of arguing Steve only nods, a tired sigh expelling from his body as he turns and leaves, this conversation was far from over. Franny would ask him questions, she’d want to know what was talked about or furniture he had, it wasn’t because she was interested she just wanted to know so she could gossip about it later. Talk about James to her friends, likely make up nasty comments. 

There was nothing Steve could do, not that he’d try anyway. It’d just cause more arguments that’ll lead to her leaving and going somewhere else, she claims it was to Rachel and Adam’s place, but he knew better. He had caught her, not that she knew that. But he had seen her, that was enough for him to know what type of person she was. 

But also what type of person he was. Staying with his wife despite knowing she’s having relations with their priest. 

The same priest that prays to God for them both to conceive a child, that got the whole community involved in praying for them at the sermon. He smiles at him and asks about his art, how the children are, all whilst he has sexual relations with his wife. If anyone is the sinner in this cul-de-sac it's Steve's own wife, not James Barnes. 

Although, a part of Steve recognises that she may be right about him. But James isn't a sinner, he's a walking sin and Steve can't fall for that temptation- he won't fail God, even if the Devil is next door to him now. 


	2. Deuteronomy 31:6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise smut is coming, but I love some contextual stuff and build up.   
> What happened between Steve and Francine is explained even more. Also, Steve and Bucky have a pleasant conversation- it leaves Steve very confused because he ends up feeling something that he hasn't felt in months.

Steve smiled once the Sunday morning sermon was over, he always loved the sermons Sunday’s because it was, to him, a great way to start the week off. The tension through Saturday evening was thick and uncomfortable, listening to Franny complain about James was grating him down slowly. He had hoped that she’d let it go, but she just kept going on and on about how much of a delinquent he will be to the community.

“Mr Rogers, good to see you.” Father David smiled as the group started to dwindle after the service. “I hear you’ve got yourself a new neighbour and you introduced yourself, tell me will we be expecting someone new?” 

Steve wished he had a simple answer to this. He didn’t know James’ religious beliefs or if he had any at all. Anyone can love God and still sin, Steve didn’t know if James repents after his sins or if he thinks differently about God. What he did know though was that whoever James believed in wasn’t a good influence. 

“Not sure,” Steve sighed as he looked at the older man before him, “James seems nice enough, but I don’t think he has our faith.” 

Father David was a respected priest in their area, everyone loved him. He made youthful jokes and helped the elderly daily. He gets involved with local charities and often visits the schools in the local areas. He even helps couples that attend his church, helps work through material problems- he’s not a licenced therapist but he’s able to give advice. 

Stupidly Steve had asked for his help, he felt inadequate in his marriage. He wasn’t able to… consummate their marriage as often as Franny wanted. In fact, for months Steve couldn’t get excited enough to even begin, other times he couldn’t finish or went soft without finishing. He knew what Franny thought of him, so he decided to get help from their trusted priest in the hopes it would save their marriage. 

That didn’t work exactly how Steve intended. Private sessions with Franny didn’t mean what Steve thought they meant, and he had caught them in his office at the back. 

“Such a shame.” Father David sighed but shrugged. “Well, please let this James know he’s welcome in God’s house anytime.” 

Steve nodded silently and gave a tight-lipped smile. 

He had to drive two-hours to confess at a different church. The fear of Father David knowing that he knew was too much for Steve, he had no reason to feel embarrassed by what his wife was doing. But he couldn’t help but feel partly responsible for what was happening in their lives, he had driven her away and into the arms of another man because he couldn’t perform. 

Confessing to what was transpiring in his life felt good, he felt relief afterwards. Despite not coming clean or seeking a divorce, telling someone in confidence what was happening and getting forgiveness made him feel good. 

“Steven,” Franny come up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I’m going to have brunch with Marsha and a few other girls, we’ll catch up later?” Steve only nodded once and placed his hands inside of his slack pockets. 

Relieved that he could have the rest of Sunday away from her. He tried desperately not to hate Francine, after all, he couldn’t love her properly, he couldn’t love her how a man should; how God intended him to. 

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later then.” Steve fished the car keys from his pocket before strolling out of the church whilst saying quiet goodbyes to their community members. 

Steve drives himself home within a few minutes, the cul-de-sac is quiet and peaceful. A few neighbour kids are outside in a yard playing basketball. He’s glad they never conceived children it would just be hard on them. 

“Hey, Steve,” James’ voice calls and breaks through Rogers thoughts. “Sorry, do you have a minute? I need some help.” 

James is wearing much more casual clothes than yesterdays attire. Today he’s in a soft, red v-neck and some cosy looking grey joggers. Clearly in his own Sunday Bests, somehow still managing to look great but effortless it must be a talent of his. 

“Sure, what’s up?” Steve steps around his car and walks to his neighbours front door. 

“Kitchen sink is fucked.” James is leaning against the doorframe, clearly irritated. “You got a number of a guy or are you handy?” There’s a hint of suggestion to his words, plus his mouth upturns into a smirk. 

Steve ignores the apparent amusement that’s transpiring, mostly because he doesn’t know what’s happening to make James smirk like that. “I’ve got a number but, honestly, you’ll be paying hundreds of dollars so do you have any tools? I can likely fix whatever is wrong for you.” 

James’ eyebrows shoot up and he licks his bottom lip before biting it, a breathy chuckle escaping him. “Gonna fix my plumbing Rogers?” 

Steve shrugs and frowns. “Well, yeah. I’ve got plenty of experience. Do you have your tools or should I go grab mine from the garage?” 

There’s a deafening silence between them, James studies Steve for a few seconds. It makes Steve shift awkwardly under his stare, unable to look in his grey eyes as he looks at anything but the man before him. Steve quickly understands there was something said, perhaps on his part, that made things go weird but he couldn’t figure out what. 

“...I’ve got tools.” James breaks the tension for them and nods his head for the blonde to follow. 

Steve steps inside of James’ place and closes the door behind himself. There are still boxes littered around but a lot is unpacked, furniture seems to be placed where it should be and nothing has dust sheets on anymore.

James points for Steve to go into the kitchen, Steve silently walks through the corridor leading to the kitchen as James goes and finds his tools. He returns a few moments later with a toolbox and sets it beside the sink. 

“You going to fix my sink in your Sunday Bests?” Amusement lacing his words as he sits at a stool, clear view of the kitchen sink from the breakfast bar. 

Steve chuckles as he unbuttons and rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his forearms, flicking his tye over his left shoulder before opening the toolbox- it’s full of tools, most of which Steve has never used or owned. It looks very professional and all well kept, clearly used but every tool looked to be cared for. 

“It should only be a five-minute job, little to no mess,” Steve tells him before he squats down and looks under the sink. “Yeah, this is the problem I get a lot. This valve just needs tightening a little.” 

James doesn’t respond apart from a silent hum of approval, which Steve doesn’t think much of. He sets to work on fixing the sink in silence, he could feel James’ eyes on him but doesn’t look at him. His own heart is beating fast but he can’t fathom why he’d be nervous or anxious.

It’s roughly ten minutes later when Steve sighs and stands, wiping his hands on a dishtowel. He then flicks the tap and watches a stream of water flows out, he checks the temperature of both and smiles at his handy work. 

“There you go,” Steve turns around once he shut off the tap. “A job like that is $300, can you believe it?” Shaking his head in disbelief, once he found out the price Franny had paid Steve took it upon himself to learn basic handiwork around their house. 

“That’s shitty of plumbers,” James scoffs playfully. “But cause you’re a good Christian boy it’s for free, right?” Steve tentatively eyes James and sees he’s refraining from laughing. He must sense Steve’s awkwardness because he shrugs softly. “Listen, you seem like a nice guy and I don’t see why we can’t be friends.” 

Steve sighs and shakes his head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You seem nice, honest. But we don’t have anything in common and we live different lives.” He didn’t want to tell James it was Francine, but he also didn’t want to upset his wife. This was for the best. 

James recoils a little, he sits up straighter and his demeanour changes. “Live different lives?” 

“Well, I attend church every day and work at a Faith school.” Shrugging his shoulders as he leans against a counter and watches James. “You don’t seem like the faith type, which is fine. But I doubt you live your life sin-free and you probably wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy like me.” 

“Oh, I get it.” James points an accusing finger in his direction. “Your wife doesn’t like me.” 

Steve goes to protest but the look James gives him has Steve closing his mouth in shame. His eyes cast down his shoes unable to look at James, he didn’t want to admit that his wife had said some terrible things about him. Steve also felt like he should defend his wife but, James was right. That was her talking, she had told him to not befriend James Barnes. 

“You’re a grown adult, Steve. You can have friends with whoever you want, even outside of your faith.” Steve only nods in silence, arms crossed and still looking at the tiled floor. “Admittedly, I’m not exactly religious. My mother is though, so I attended all through my childhood.” 

Steve’s head snaps up and he looks at James, eyebrows raised and a whole load of questions on the tip of his tongue. “Yep. I was once a Bible thumper, I sang all the songs and prayed every night. I want to be your friend, but you gotta promise not to preach or force me to attend church?” He still had so many questions he wanted to ask but he was biting his tongue, clearly, his past with religion was a sore spot and Steve didn't want to pressure James into talking about it. 

“I’d never preach or judge.” Steve quickly affirms to James, “How you live your life, James, it isn’t any of my business.” Although, he doesn’t understand why he’d want to be his friend. “Can I ask why? I mean, like I said not much in common.” 

“Well, we hardly know one another to make that decision. Who knows maybe there’s something we have in common or nothing, it’s just nice to have friends that are my neighbour.” 

That started off James brewing a coffee pot for them and both settled with hot mugs as they talked in his kitchen. They talked about everything and nothing simultaneously, wherever the conversation took them it seemed. It was hours later when the conversation shifted a little, unintentionally to the topic that Steve had tried to avoid. 

His wife. 

“Well, I met Francine after graduating. I went back home and my mother introduced me to her at our local church, she had moved when I was away for school and we hit it off.” Steve smiled fondly at the memory of meeting Francine, despite what’s happened recently he still felt strongly for her. “Seven months after our first meeting we got married, now we’re here and that’s that.” 

“You two going to have kids?” 

“We’re trying.” Steve takes a sip of his coffee, “It’s been difficult for us to conceive but I suppose God has other plans, I mean, my job is demanding right now so it’s for the best.” 

James nods slowly and bites his lip. “Sorry, I’m sure you’ll get pregnant soon.” 

Steve doesn’t say anything because he knows they won’t. He was trying his best to not vent about his relationship with James, he felt like he could tell this man anything but he knew it wasn’t a good idea. His martial problems should stay between him and his wife. If only he had learnt that before he involved Father David, now he's got a cheater as a wife and a sinner for a priest. He really needs to sort his mess of a life out, but James shouldn't know his problems. 

He couldn't let anyone know that the most respectable Church going couple are actually liars and miserable. He had to keep up this facade, this fantasy his mother had preached and sold him. 

“So, enough about me what about you? What do you do for a living?”

“I’m in a band,” James smiles as he looks at Steve, “you probably haven’t heard of us, we’re not exactly Christian friendly. I’m the lead singer, but we’re on a break from our last tour. I figured now was a good time to find a real place to live.” 

Steve chuckled a little. “Yeah, a lot of music isn’t Christian friendly, but I’m sure you’re great and if I wasn’t devoted to God I’d be into your band.” 

“Oh definitely. In another world, you’re our biggest fan and follow us on tour,” they both laugh with one another at that. “I can play something for you? I mean, we have a few songs that don’t have cussing or explicit.” 

Steve nodded and shrugged, he couldn’t see why shouldn’t listen to James’ band music. The risk of actually liking his music and then not being able to listen to it was high. But he had listened to Metallica before and if he could, without risk of being caught, would listen to them again. 

James pulls out his phone and taps silently away on it before pulling up some music app, there’s a few seconds of silence before music starts filling the silence. It appears to be an acoustic version, the strumming of guitars start and it sounds pleasant enough. 

Then a deep, males voice starts singing. It’s James singing, he could tell from the raspy quality. His voice was like velvet, smooth and silky, it was like he was singing right into his heart. He had never heard someone sound quite like that when singing, a lot of Christian bands didn’t sound like this. 

It was seductive. Sinful. 

The song itself wasn’t sinful, he was singing about being young and different from other kids. His voice, however, was so sensual that it cut right through Steve and made him feel something weird. 

“So, whaddya think?” James asked once the song had finished and he locked his phone. 

“Uh- completely different to my usual Christian bands.” That made James laugh, the way his eyes crinkled and his nose scrunched up made those same weird feelings flutter within Steve. “I should get going, but it’s been fun hanging out with you.” 

James pouts but nods when looking at the time. “Well, don’t be a stranger. Thanks for fixing my sink, I appreciate it.” 

“It’s no problem. Happy to help my neighbour.” 

Steve quickly always out of James’s house and towards his, grateful that Franny wasn’t home and likely wouldn’t be till late. He quickly unlocks the door and enters, a deep exhale expelling from his lungs. His skin felt hot and flushed all over, his breathing was erratic and coming out in heavy pants. 

His back was flush against the wall, his eyes squeezed closed and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. This hadn’t happened to him in a very long time, he couldn’t understand why it was happening now. He hadn’t felt this aroused in months, now he was willing to not get a boner in the middle of his entryway. 

This was insane. All James had done was play one of his songs, why was he feeling like this over it? He couldn’t wrap his head around it. He needed a cold shower and an early night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the comments on this. I didn't expect people to like this or be interested, this was been written selfishly for my own amusement and I needed to publish it somewhere. If you're enjoying this I have other Stucky fics that are good, so perhaps go check them out too?! :) xx


	3. James 1:2-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a long chapter :) 
> 
> Chapter warnings: Francine is a bitch in this chapter, like extra bitchy. She says some nasty stuff about Steve not being a man enough due to his predicament- obviously, I don't think this. You're not less of a man if you can't get an erection, having a penis and getting hard doesn't make you a man. Dubious consent- due to alcohol consumption on Steve's part, I don't think Steve would have 100% agreed to what happens in this chapter if he didn't have some form of alcohol in his system. However, he does consent, but he is tipsy.  
> Minor homophobia feelings, nothing in your face- but it's clear Steve is struggling.

Wednesday

Steve had managed to make it three days without seeing or speaking to James, his new neighbour, that had gotten him semi-aroused. He had focused on his work instead, the start of a new week at school for the kids. 

Working with kids wasn’t what Steve wanted to do, he originally wanted to become an artist and have his work in galleries and exhibits around the world. But his mother had told him countless times that being an artist wasn’t a successful job or stable enough for a wife and children, that God would think he was wasting the life that was given to him by chasing dreams. 

He still got satisfaction from teaching children to express themselves with art, watching as the children scribbled across the paper with happy faces it filled a sense of pride within him. Of course, his mother still thought he was wasting his life by not having his children and teaching other families children. 

It’s been weeks since he had last talked to his mother, Francine practically called her every day just to tell Sarah what her only son has been up to. Francine’s parents are the same as his mother; judgemental and condescending towards him. 

Steve would eventually have to answer the calls just to listen to his mother yell at him, tell him what failure he is being in this marriage and how disappointed God must be. He’s sure that if she knew what Franny was doing she’d blame him too, tell him that everyone could have seen this happening because he’s a poor excuse of a man. 

“Great work today guys.” Steve smiled as the kids began to pack up. “I’ll see you all tomorrow, bright and early.” 

Steve walks the children out of his classroom and outside, where their parents are waiting to pick-up their kids and take them home. He stays and talks to a few parents, smiling and laughing with the adults about what their kids were about today.

Thankfully, after work, Steve didn’t need to go straight home and actually could straight to his book club. He had been avoiding Franny, hardly seeing her till late in the evening when they were getting ready for bed. They were both too exhausted to talk or for her to initiate sex, so he was having a perfect week so far. 

Steve took some time to hang up the recent paintings the class had done, smiling as he pegged the papers to the wooden pegs on a fishing line. They were all messy and mostly a bunch of scribbles, but he could see the creativity in them and couldn’t wait for them to dry so they could take them home and proudly show off their work. 

The drive to the church was short and filled with James’ band playing through his car speakers. Initially, he wasn’t going to delve into his music, listening to that one song didn’t exactly have a good effect on him. Except he couldn’t stop himself this morning from swiping through Spotify and finding James’ band, The Howling Commandos, then listening to them on his journey to work.

Admittedly the explicit nature of most songs made his cheeks and ears tinge red, the overuse of cusses had Steve frowning throughout most songs. He couldn’t deny, however, that he enjoyed the music even with its edgy language. Steve found himself tapping his fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat, softly singing parts that didn’t have bad language. 

He was a secret Howling Commando fan. 

“Hey everyone,” Steve walks into the library that’s in the Church. The group of seven attendants all happily greet Steve, waving and sitting in a circle with this week book on their laps. “Sorry I’m late, I got a little too preoccupied with the kids this afternoon.”

Clint waves him off with a hearty chuckle as Steve sits down, “You’re good, Steven. We were just discussing your newest neighbour.” Steve’s eyes widen as he pulled the book from his messenger bag, he quickly nods in semi-interest to the topic. “What is he like? I saw you go to his house a few days ago.” 

Steve licks his lip and chuckles softly, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess, he’s okay. I’ve only talked to him a few times, his name is James, but his sink was broken so I fixed it for him but he seems nice. He’s not a man of faith and he’s in a band, definitely not Christian music.” 

That earns a round of laughs, Steve feels slightly embarrassed again. Remembering that he had been listening to the band on the journey here, he felt guilty for deceiving his friends like this and in the Lord’s house. 

“James certainly doesn’t look like a man of faith, yet has a Biblical name,” Matthew snickered and nudged Jack who chuckled with him. “Have you seen all those tattoos on his body?” 

Lee shakes his head, “Ghastly things. Completely a waste of money and defiling his body like that.” 

Steve grimaces and bites the inside of his cheek, “I don’t know, they look well done when up close. I wouldn’t call them ugly, he looks pretty cool when in a leather jacket with them.” He shrugged as he opened the book to where his bookmark was stuck from where he last read. 

The silence that falls over the group has Steve looking up, all eyes are on him. He stutters to find the next correct words but his brain seems to fail him. He shouldn’t have defended James in front of this lot, this would get back to Franny and she’s going to be so mad at him. 

“I’m kidding,” He breathes with a strained chuckle, the tension seems to visibly leave as everyone laughs. 

Finally, everyone opened their books and started to discuss the last three chapters they’ve been assigned to read. This book club was Steve’s idea, a way for the guys who needed a break to get together and do something. He knew a few went to the local bar and got some drinks to unwind, but Steve wasn’t a big drinker and was often called a ‘party pooper’. 

He didn’t like big crowds and people drinking, it made him feel uncomfortable. He also hated the mess and would often leave a crowd to tidy up, it’s why Clint invited him to the BBQ’s in the summer, along with their kids and busy work lives they couldn’t tidy up. 

Clint Barton was probably the closest person he’d consider a friend, he wasn’t super religious and often bent God’s word to fit his own personal morals. But he attended church every Sunday with his family and attended church gatherings when he could. 

“What is the new neighbour like?” Clint catches up to Steve as they walk to their cars, conveniently parked beside one another. “Is it kinda bad that I want to invite him to my BBQ this Sunday just to annoy those lot?” Flicking his head behind them to the other guys, all of which are still talking negatively about James. 

Steve chuckles as he looks at Clint, he’s a troublemaker, Laura has her hands full with him and their kids. “He’s a good person, Clint. I think you two will get along very well, also you’ll like his music.” Clint raises an eyebrow but shrugs. “The Howling Commandos,” Steve unlocks his car as Clint rounds his own. 

“Sweet. I’ll give them a listen, hey if you bump into him invite him to my BBQ.” 

Steve didn’t see James for the rest of the week, hardly ran into him. He could hear furniture being moved around and there were cars parked in his drive, not his since he has a motorcycle in the garage. He wanted to go across and let him know he had an invitation to Barton’s, but he didn’t want to intrude, plus Franny was around and he couldn’t make up a viable excuse to go over. 

***

Friday

***

Dinner is eaten in awkward silence, the scraping of cutlery against fine China, the slow chew of food being eaten. It was awkward enough that he bowed his head as Franny said grace, talking straight to God like she’s his best friend. 

_He knows what you’re doing Franny_ , Steve thinks bitterly. _Why you haven’t met your retribution yet is beyond me, but it’s coming, I’m certain of that_. 

The plates are washed and set on the drying rack, Steve dries his hands slowly and silently. The TV is on and he knows Franny is sat watching whatever she could find to entertain herself on Friday night. He deftly walks into the living room, kicking himself for not staying at work late. 

He glances at his watch, “Think I’m going to call it night, hectic week.” 

“Of course,” Franny sneers and rolls her eyes, arms crossing over her chest. Steve makes a disapproving sound in the back of his throat, “This is the first time I’m seeing you all week and you’re going to bed early? We’ve hardly touched each other this week, do you know how that makes me feel?” 

Greedy, he wants to say. Father David isn’t enough and you need more from your selfless husband, who doesn’t say anything out of term for your reputation. If Steve wasn’t raised to keep his mouth tightly shut he would’ve said all of those things, but he was raised to be respectful- and treated like a doormat. 

“I’m alone all week, in this big house and I know you’re going through something, but I need something back, Steven. Anything.” 

Honestly, does he have a sign that says ‘Please walk all over me? I’m a fool!’ because she must think he’s stupid or something. 

“I can’t do that, I’m not in the mood-”

“YOU’RE NEVER IN ‘THE MOOD’,” Franny yells and stands up, arms failing to prove her point. “Honestly, Steven, it shouldn’t be like this between us. Am I no longer attractive to you? Is that why you can’t get it up?” Steve shakes his head about to protest, and also tell her to lower her voice. “Then why? Explain why you can’t get it up.” 

Steve stands shuffling on his feet, hands sweating as he looked at the floor, unable to look her in the eyes. If he told her the truth then they’d have to face all of their problems. He also didn’t know why he suddenly stopped getting hard, he didn’t think it was because of her and it wasn’t a problem of he could never get it up. He just couldn’t perform… for her. 

“You’re so useless, you know that?” Steve lifts his eyes to hers, she glowering at him. Shaking with anger because he won’t have sex with her? Or refuses to answer why he won’t get hard for her? He didn’t know anymore. “You’re a sad excuse for a husband. I had the pick of so many suitors but the way your mother talked about you, I thought I had the jackpot. I deserve to be adored, loved.”

Steve shakes his head, trying to not let her words get to him. Trying to not listen to them, but she’s so loud. Her voice is full of venom and harshness, this wasn’t a normal fight. She’s finally had enough of him. 

“Any of other guys would just sack up, they’d get hard and get it done.” Steve bites his bottom lip to stop it from quivering, blinking back the sudden stinging in his eyes. “You’re broken and worthless. I thank God every day that we didn’t get pregnant, our children would be disgusted to have you as a father, you’re an embarrassment to men,” Steve was frowning and shaking his head, “and God.” 

“Shut up!” Steve finally manages to spit out, Franny doesn’t recoil back but her yelling ceases. “Just shut up.” He doesn’t even know how to argue properly, he can’t bring himself to say anything nasty back to her. 

She’s right. He’s broken, completely and utterly useless. 

“Are you crying?” Amusement laces her question, laughing in his face. “You’re so pathetic, I’m only telling you what everyone thinks of you, sweetie. You’re not a man-” 

Steve doesn’t hear the end of her sentence because he runs out of the house, no jacket or keys, he just leaves. The cold evening air a welcome feeling on his hot, tear-stained face. He quickly wipes his face with his hands, shaking his head and coughing back the lump in his throat. 

He has nowhere to go, he realises that pretty quickly. He left the car keys in the house, so he can’t sleep in the car or garage tonight. If he was man enough he would’ve stayed and taken all of what she said, if he was an actual man he would have shut her up and proved how a much of a man he really is. But He didn’t do either of those things instead he ran. 

All the neighbours likely heard their dispute, probably all peering out of their windows and watching him right now. He feels pathetic and worthless. 

Franny does deserve better, she’s a beautiful woman that could have any man she wants. She had picked him and he was so happy about that, so why had he ruined things? What was wrong with him? Why was he so broken? 

“Steve?” He snapped his head up and looked to see James standing a few feet away. “Want to come inside?” 

Steve is quiet for a moment, blinking a few times at the offer being presented to him. He doesn’t give it much thought, honestly, he stands up from where he had plodded down on the curb and walks towards the other man. An arm is thrown around his shoulders and he walks him inside the house, steering him to sit on the sofa. 

The blond sits on the sofa in silence, eyes cast down to his lap and mouth in a permanent pout, eyebrows are furrowed into a frown. He can hear some rustling and glass clinking from the kitchen, he shouldn’t be here, this would only make Franny seethe with anger. 

“Here you go,” A glass tumbler is pushed into his hand and it’s full of brown liquid. “This will help take the edge off and loosen you up a little.” James has his glass and takes a sip as Steve studies his glass. 

Steve lifts the glass and drinks the entire contents, it burns the back of his throat but it does loosen him up. They don’t talk as they have another glass of the brown liquid, James doesn’t press or push Steve to talk about what happened or what’s going through his head. 

His fingers play with the glass and he bites his lip, his shoulders sagging as he sits slouched on James’ sofa. His brain felt a little foggy, there was a certain alcoholic buzz that he always tried to stay clear from but it was helping right now. 

“I guess you heard Francine yell at me?” Steve finally looked up from his hands and towards James, whose body was angled towards him, an elbow resting on the back of the sofa and his head resting on his palm. 

James is wearing a leather jacket, it looks old and worn. A white shirt strains against his chest, he certainly has his nipples pierced and ripped jeans. The contrast between the two must be laughable since Steve is in a green button-up and brown slacks. 

“I think people in Florida heard her.” Steve bitterly laughs and nods, she had some lungs on her. “Wanna talk about it?” 

There’s a pause as Steve thinks if he wanted to. What was there to say? James already knew he had performance issues, which should be embarrassing but Steve couldn’t find it within himself to care. He just wished that James hadn’t heard because he’ll realise what a loser he has moved next door to. 

“She’s sleeping with our priest,” He watches as James’ eyes widen in shock. “I caught them together, I had asked the priest for help in our marriage, I was having issues with arousal and I caught them in his office.” 

James opens and closes his mouth a few times, clearly caught off guard by that confession. It felt good to finally have it off his chest, to tell someone that isn’t in a confessional booth and, perhaps, tell him this isn’t all his fault or ask God for advice/forgiveness. 

“And you’re still with her because?” 

Steve looks at James with raised eyebrows, “I’m a good Christian boy, James. Divorce will disappoint God and, honestly, this is as good as my life is going to get. I mean, any guy would go seek forgiveness from their wife, especially one like Francine, yet I’m sat here.” 

“Any good wife wouldn’t fucking cheat on their husband.” James counters, hardly believing that Steve could think this lowly of himself. “Steve, you’re a good person and don’t deserve to be treated this way. Also, fuck your wife, she needs to come here and beg for your forgiveness.” 

James’ tone makes Steve shiver, he sounds angry but not at him- which is nice, he felt like everyone was angry at him lately. Steve drinks the rest of his third drink, at least he thinks it’s his third. 

“Thanks, James.” Steve finally says after a while, his voice soft and he isn’t looking at the other man. 

He must look pathetic sitting here on his sofa. What a welcome to the neighbourhood this must be for him. 

“It’s no problem,” James mutters and places his glass down on the table, gently prying Steve’s from him and placing it down also. “Steve, I want you to know that you shouldn’t feel like this. You’re not worthless or less of a man because you’re having issues down there, heck sometimes I have that problem too.” He could tell James was trying to make him feel better and he appreciated it. 

Steve nods as he looks at James, his bottom lip between his teeth to keep from saying something stupid back to him. Apart of him wanted to believe James, to believe he deserved better. Deep down he knew he wasn’t worthless and useless, yet he couldn’t fully believe that he wasn’t those things. 

James scoots himself closer to Steve till their knees are bumping into one another’s, a hand is placed on his shoulder it feels warm through his shirt and strangely comforting. Steve visibly relaxes from the single touch, a long sigh leaving past his lips and he lifts a hand and pats James’ knee- a friendly gesture, he thinks. 

“Clint, he’s a friend of mine, wanted me to invite you to his BBQ this Sunday.” Steve vaguely remembers the conversation he had with Barton about inviting him. “He thinks it’ll be fun for you to show up and annoy the Christians.” 

James chuckles and nods, a big grin on his face, “Well, I can hardly refuse such an invitation. Hmm, I think I’ll have to break out the eyeliner and tight jeans for it.” 

“You have jeans that are tighter than these?” Steve’s voice comes out louder and higher than expected, “Can you even breathe in these?” James only laughs at Steve’s genuine concern. 

James shakes his head, snorting in amusement at Steve. “Yes, I can breathe in these. You should see the leather pants I wore for touring, I had to be cut and sewn into them every show- completely worth it before you ask.” 

“I listened to more of your music today,” Steve smiles as he looks at James, “If you could write more songs like First Avenger you’d be my favourite band.” 

“So, no cussing or explicit lyrics?” Steve nodded with a grin. “You’re kinda asking me to rebrand my entire life, but I’ll think about it. If you want I can take you to meet my band? I think you and Sam will get along great.” 

Steve shakes his head and looks back down at his lap, “I don’t know, I’m not in a very good mood and religion can make people act weird around me, I don’t want your friends to think I’m weird-”

“Steve, you’re meeting my friends. I think you’ll get along great with them and you could use some people that are from all walks of life,” James cuts him off with a small smile. 

They talk about what songs Steve enjoys after that, how despite the nature of most songs he does actually like them but couldn’t sing along in case he cussed. Steve watched as James talked so openly and passionately about his music, his plans for future albums and songs, where he wants the band to tour next. Apparently, they have a big European fanbase and he wanted to tour those countries to meet fans. 

Steve was slightly envious of James’ life, he was living his biggest dream and was successful at it. But he also didn’t have any responsibilities as Steve does, he has nothing resting on his shoulders right now like a partner. 

They both fall into a comfortable silence, sitting very close to one another, Steve can feel James’ body heat and if he turned his head their noses would be touching. Somehow in space of twenty minutes, their conversation had shifted to what exactly was causing Steve’s problem, if he could seek any help from someone professionally about it. 

“Or perhaps it is Francine,” James casually threw out and Steve looked at him with a frown. “I mean, you said during sex you’ve gotten soft before… maybe you’re not the problem, it’s her.” 

Steve shook his head, “No way. It has to be me, clearly, it’s just not working properly.” 

“No, I don’t think you’re the problem. You know she’s cheating, so subconsciously you’re reacting to that and then him, down there, it's switched off because who wants priests sloppy seconds?” Steve would have defended Franny if he was in the right frame of mind, but also he sorta agreed with it. 

He could understand if during the act of sex he subconsciously switched himself off. 

“It was happening before Father Ted,” Steve muttered softly when looking at James. 

James tilted his head as he looked at Steve, a look that was telling him something he should already know but doesn’t. Steve watches as James’ stormy grey eyes drift from his own and then down to his lips before darting back up, he looks like he’s searching for something. 

Then something happens that Steve didn’t think was possible, James leans forward and kisses him. It’s a soft and slow kiss, closed mouth and innocent, despite them both being males and kissing. If Steve’s mother could see him, if God was watching, well, he might as well resign himself for Hell.

Before Steve can pull back and ask what is happening a hand grips the back of his head, fingers threading through his short blond locks and keeping him in place. The tip of James’ tongue licks along the seam of Steve’s lips, his lips open and he feels their tongues twirl together. One of his owns fisting James’ shirt tightly, almost pulling him closer. 

He could taste the alcohol they were drinking on James’ tongue, he would have found it off-putting but the way he was kissing him, caressing his tongue with his own it was intoxicating. Even the way James smelt had Steve inhaling for more; leather, spearmints and something manly, musky and heady. It was making Steve dizzy the way his senses were attacked by James, it’s like all he could think and feel was the man before him. 

James’ other hand dragged down Steve’s arm and settled on his hip, he gave it a gentle squeeze but didn’t move further. They continued making out on the sofa, tongues battling for dominance that James wins. It takes Steve a moment to realise he’s been softly moaning in the back of his throat, he wants to feel embarrassed but then he hears James’ moan in encouragement. 

Steve pulled himself away from James’ lips, panting for air and cheeks flushed, hair a mess from the hand that’s still carding through it softly. He has a moment of clarity, he’d just been making out with his neighbour that’s a male. This isn’t right, especially since he’s a married man. 

“Stop thinking.” James’ face comes into view, a stern look and voice slightly hoarse and deeper. “Looks like I was right, you’re not the problem.” 

Steve follows James’ eyes and looks down at his slacks, an evident tent has formed. His brain catches up and the arousal travelling around his body is thick, he feels hot all over and the bulge straining against his zipper was making it hard to think straight. 

“See,” James smirked and leaned forwards pressing a kiss to Steve’s flushed neck, “Treated right and you can perform just fine.” The soft kisses to Steve’s neck don’t stop, he kisses up the swoop of Steve’s neck before finding Steve’s lips again. 

James bites down on Steve’s bottom lip, tugging it roughly before kissing it gently then licking back into his gasping mouth. Steve can feel James smirk against his lips, he can also feel one of his hands cup his bulge through his slacks. He hadn’t felt a touch like this in so long, he audibly groaned at just that. His eyebrows furrowing and squeezing his eyes shut as James squeezed lightly. 

“It’s okay,” James muttered against his lips, “it’ll feel good, you deserve this.” 

James continues to kiss and cup his dick, applying the slightest of pressure when he felt like Steve wanted it. Steve rolled his hips whenever James applied the right amount of friction, he felt dirty just doing this but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He hadn’t felt pleasure like this in… well, ever. Franny hardly ever touched him like this, a firm grip on his dick (even if it was through layers of clothing), as if she owned it- because right now, James owned it. 

Steve could feel his abdomen tighten, he sucked a harsh breath into his lungs at his pleasure nearing its peak. There was no way he was going to cum just from James applying slight pressure to his dick. A hand gripped his jaw and he was forced to stare at James, where he was met with kind, but lust-filled eyes. 

“Look at me when you cum,” His voice is soft but it’s dominating, it’s all Steve can hear as James tells him to cum. 

Steve doesn’t need to be told twice his hips jut upwards into James’ palm, he cums in his pants with a soft moan and like a good, obedient boy he doesn’t look away from James. His mouth had fallen open from the aftershocks of pleasure, his whole body shuddering from the release, he hadn’t felt like this in so long. The pleasure felt neverending, he had to eventually flutter his eyes shut and bite his lip. 

When James pulled his hand away Steve almost whined, the weight of a hand on him was comforting and he realised he had truly missed this type of physical intimacy. More importantly, he had cum, he actually released and finished, so there truly was nothing wrong with him. 

“Go to sleep, Steve.” A soft kiss is pressed to his forehead and a blanket is draped over his body. 

Steve goes to sleep without praying to God first but feeling the best he has ever felt in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience. I'm sorry you have to wait so long for proper smut, I just think it's so much more realistic if we go down this avenue with Steve. I have a few ideas with this fic now that I have an audience, some stuff I hadn't originally intended or thought of, so it'll be fun to explore these new ideas I have- this could be a long fic. 
> 
> Let me know if you have any ideas for this? What would you like to see happen? Any characters you'd like to see show up and shake things up? Any angst ideas you'd like to see play out?
> 
> Let me know what you think, I really enjoy reading all the comments. :)
> 
> Next update won't be till Sunday/Monday, gonna treat myself and give myself Saturday to rest x


	4. Corinthians 13:12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve experiences a lot of self-doubt and insecurity, plus paranoia due to his development with Bucky. So he makes some hard and brash decisions in his life. 
> 
> He thinks it's better off he isn't friends with James and he thinks having sex with Franny will definitely help. 
> 
> Warnings: Negative language towards oneself. Heterosexual sex, it's not described in raunchy detail and there's ZERO foreplay because that's how I was taught in a Christian school LOL 
> 
> Sorry this one is shorter, I'm calling this chapter a filler and more information.

Steve woke up with a start, blinking his eyes open rapidly and groaning at his sore muscles. He blindly pushed the blanket off of his body, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. Momentarily forgetting exactly where he was, till he remembers his scorching argument with Franny and where he ended up. 

He stands up abruptly and his breathing increases tenfold. Remembering what had happened with James last night, the kissing and groping, he didn’t know what to do. He felt ashamed and embarrassed, the fact he had come here last night and engaged in such acts with his neighbour. 

Steve wanted to blame the alcohol but he knew, deep down, he hadn’t had enough to fully blame the drinking they participated in. He had given into temptation, he had fallen into the Devils snare and only Steve had himself to blame. How was he going to walk into the Lord’s house now? How could he face his friends knowing he had done what he did? 

Importantly, he had disrespected his wife and the vows he had said. He was no longer faithful and loyal, he had given into the sexual urges that he had been taught to push away. He had let himself, his mother and God down, he had also selfishly brought James into it too. James didn’t deserve to spend eternity in damnation because Steve had foolishly forced them down the sinner’s path. 

He quickly scurries out of the house and runs to his own, pushing his key in the lock and forcefully making his way into the house. The car is gone from the drive meaning that Franny had left for the church without him, thankfully. Steve exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, hand on the wall for support as he sorted his breathing to a reasonable in and out. 

After many, so many deep breaths Steve had finally calmed down enough to get dressed and cleaned up. He’d attend the sermon but stay to the back, where Clint and his family usually sits, then he’d leave before Franny or anyone can say a word in edgeways. 

The walk to the church was relatively short but filled with paranoia. Steve felt as though everyone was watching him, whispering about him. His eyes would dart to people dotted on the street, all avoiding eye contact with him- like they know something. 

What if James had told people? What if James had said something to someone? 

Everyone must know. They have to all know. 

Entering the church wasn’t very comforting him, he had arrived late so everyone looked up and watched as he rushed to a pew. Disapproving head shakes and tutting sounds, but to Steve, it meant something more and much worse than him just arriving late. They all knew what he had done last night and couldn’t believe he’d even show up here, as if God would accept and love him still. 

He didn’t pay attention to Father David, Steve kept his head bowed through it all. Staring at his shoes through blurry eyes, tears gathering as he felt the shame and guilt overtake him. He doesn’t deserve to be here, to be married and have friends, he has deceived everyone. He could see Franny sat upfront and listening to Father David, he wondered if all their neighbours had heard their argument last night. If any of them had seen him go into James’ place. 

“Steve?” He blinks rapidly and looks up, Laura Barton kindly smiles at the man. “It’s over can we get by?” 

Steve quickly realised that he hadn’t paid attention since walking into the church, he stood up and allowed the family to shuffle past him. Clint had given him a questioning glance as he sat back down, he muttered to Laura before walking back to Steve and sitting beside him. 

“Everything okay, bud?” 

Steve sighed heavily and nodded, “I had an argument with Franny last night and I just- I messed up and don’t know how to make it better.” 

“Did you mess up or did Franny?” Clint asked with a raised brow. 

Steve had been complaining about his marriage with Franny to Clint for a few months now, he didn’t know everything- but enough to have this educated guess. This one time he didn’t want Clint on his side, he didn’t deserve it. He had messed up, ruined a friendship because of his own selfish reasons. He couldn't keep blaming Franny for everything this whole situation wasn't her fault, she didn't make him go into James' house last night or drink. 

In fact, if he just stayed with her and listened to what she had to say, no matter how mean or negative, he wouldn't be in this mess right now. Steve couldn't believe he had allowed himself to be this careless and thoughtless with his relationships, he really was the worst human being on the planet. He'd completely agree if God was upset with him right now, he should be. 

"No, I messed up," Steve told him sternly- it sounded a lot more defensive than necessary. "I screwed up. Wait... if you don't know then-" Steve frowned and sat up, back straightening up as he looked around. 

The small crowd that lingers in the church are softly muttering to one another, no eyes are on him. None. If word got out like what he had done it would be the talk of the town, he'd have people staring at him all day long. They'd be muttering and pointing, sneering at him almost. Franny also wouldn't have left how she did, poised and kept together, she'd have something to say and would cause a scene just to embarrass him further. 

James hadn't told anyone. He had kept something like this a secret? He had allowed Steve to do that to him and said nothing? It doesn't seem right. Steve had openly done something sinful with him and James kept it a secret? It just didn't make sense. You don't do that sort of thing with your neighbour, especially your male neighbour. Steve would know, he had made a similar mistake when he was a young boy and his mother had Bible'd that out of him right away. 

"I've gotta go." Steve shot out of his seat without another word, Clint calling after him but Steve didn't stop. 

Steve found Franny still outside with a few of the other wives. He strode over quickly and grabbed the keys from her hands without saying a word, Franny gasped and tried to take them back but Steve had already turned his back on his wife. He could hear her yelling, stomping her foot on the ground and telling him to come back but he didn't listen. He got into their car and started the engine before driving out of there. 

It was a silent two-hour drive, but one he had made plenty of times before. It was almost relaxing and therapeutic at this point, he could always rely on this place to have the answers he couldn't get elsewhere. The church a few towns over was nice and peaceful on days like this. A few of the elderly dotted about with their heads bowed, their confessional booth was mostly always vacant. Hardly anyone sitting and waiting to confess. 

He opened the creaky door and sat down in the dark booth. His heart was hammering like a hummingbirds wings, he had sweat forming on his brow and upper lip. Steve was really going to confess what had transpired between him and his neighbour? He couldn't do that, they'd tell him it was unforgivable and horrendous. 

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession." Steve starts with a shaky voice, licking his lips before continuing with his eyes squeezed closed. "I had sexual relations with my neighbour, it wasn't sex but I did... release. I'm married but it hasn't been going that well, I know it's not an excuse- I'm not excusing myself. I'm not even sure what had happened, we were talking and had not many drinks, then we kissed and..." Steve stopped and gulped nervously, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "This is all I can remember. I am sorry for my sins." 

It's silent for a beat. "Do you believe the alcohol contributed to your desires or have you had these thoughts about your neighbour for some time?" 

Steve blinks slowly as he thinks of his answer. He should bring up the time he got aroused after listening to James sing, he should confess that he had been thinking about James more than any person in his life. He hadn't even thought about Franny this much. Anything he sees or hears just reminds him of James, if he sees something funny he wants to show/tell James just to hear him laugh. 

"I believe it was the alcohol, Father." 

Steve is going to Hell, lying to a priest. A man of God, a man doing the Lord's work and trying to absolve Steve, and he just lied to his face-well, through a concealed oak wall. 

The penance wasn't bad, he just had to pray a few times a day and he still got absolved for his sins. He wondered if Franny does this if she gets absolved and that's why she continues. As long as God forgives her then it wasn't bad, right? If God forgives Franny and God can forgive Steve then... surely, neither are in the wrong then. Franny doesn't need his forgiveness and as long as she gets a place in Heaven then it wasn't bad. 

The drive home seemed longer, somehow. He needed to apologise to James, to tell him what happened wasn't okay and it'll never happen again. Steve will leave out the thinking of him part, he didn't need to know that and he didn't even know what to make of it or why he kept thinking of him. He parked the car and got out, already dreading facing Franny but facing James seemed too horrifying. 

"Steve?" Just his luck. "Can we talk? I didn't get a chance to catch you before you left this morning." Bucky was dressed like he was heading out, a smart leather jacket and button-up. He looked good. "I wanted to apologise for last night, I think we were both in a vulnerable spot and the moment got carried away. If I made you uncomfortable I am so sorry, it wasn't my intention."

Steve frowned and shook his head, why was James apologising? It was Steve that released. 

"I should be apologising to you," that only made James frown back at him. "I guess... we're both sorry?" James chuckled and nodded, shrugging his shoulders in agreement. "Listen, I'm married and whatever happened... I don't know what to call it. For my sanity, can we pretend it never happened? I was too embarrassed to face you this morning." 

James nodded quickly, "Oh, sure. I am really good at forgetting stuff, so consider it already gone from my mind." That hit Steve a bit, so he was easily forgettable? Wait. He had asked James to forget about it. 

"I also think it's better if we just remain as neighbours," The smile faded from James' face, eyes casting down to his shoes before looking back at Steve. Eyebrows are drawn together sorrowfully, hands sliding into his pockets. "I just don't think it's a good idea for us to be friends, you're a really good person and I'm clearly going through something with Franny, my head is all over the place. I'm sorry." 

James nodded silently, bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he kicked at a pebble. "Got it." Coughing awkwardly before looking away, "Well, you know where to find me when things go to shit again with Franny. I'll be here for you, whatever you need of me." James pats Steve's shoulder once as he walks past him, "I was gonna say we're bedroom window buddies but, I guess, that's over before it started." James called over his shoulder and Steve chuckled awkwardly. 

Why did he do that? He doesn't know. It seemed like the best solution to all of this. He couldn't divorce Franny, he couldn't step away from his religion, but he could walk away from James Barnes. He can do that. He can definitely do that, right?

***

That Night

***

Steve stepped out of their en-suite clad in his soft pj's for the night. Franny is sat against the headboard and rubbing lotion on her skin, it's fragrance-free but that makes it smells clinical. He watches her for a moment, her golden hair is pulled up and out of her face, her skin looks dewy and fresh. She hasn't changed all that much since he married her, still the same as the day he saw her for the first time. 

Suddenly he's hit with an overwhelming appreciation for this woman before him. A deep need to set things right between them, he wants her to know that he still loves her. That nothing has changed despite it seeming like it had. 

Steve crawls onto the bed and kneels beside her, she doesn't even look at him. "Hey, you wanna?" He captures her attention when asks that. 

Franny narrows her eyes for a moment and looks over him quizzically, hardly believing he'd initiate sex with her. When she finds no hesitation a smile lifts to her face, brightening her features instantly. Steve leans down and presses his lips to hers, her arms wrap around his neck and rest there as they just kiss. They hadn't kissed in so long, he used to kiss her all the time. Unable to stop himself because he was just so overjoyed with love. 

They're kissing slowly, his mind drifts a bit as they kiss. Mischievous grey eyes spring to his mind, a hand curling at the back of his head into his hair. A deep, sensual voice telling him that it's okay, that he's going to be taken care of fills his ears. 

"Oh my-" Steve pulls away, Franny is looking down. "Whatever you're thinking about, keep thinking it." A giggle escapes her as she shimmies out of her panties, Steve lets out a strained chuckle because she shouldn't give him that demand. 

Once Franny has helped pull his pj's off and had successfully pulled Steve into the missionary position, it only got worse. Good for her because Steve was staying hard, a miracle they both didn't was possible. But he had only stayed hard because of his thoughts, memories of last night popping up. The groan James had emitted from his throat, the pleasure he had given him last night. It was all too much, yet so little. 

He was only trying to get this over and done with, he needed out. Franny was enjoying herself too much, her high pitched whines and moans were grating through Steve's fantasies- bringing him back to this Hell. 

It was over within a matter of 8 minutes, Franny had orgasmed a little too loudly and Steve had... also? It wasn't as much as last night or as pleasurable as he remembered it. He figured months worth of build-up came out last night, so tonight it wasn't as much because he had overdone it already. Franny was satisfied and happy, so that was likely good. Steve just felt like something was missing, it didn't feel right. 

What they had done lacked passion for him, it wasn't heated. It just felt... wrong. It had always felt a little off, Steve always thought it would get better with time but it never did then it stopped altogether. 

Steve sat up and rubbed his face, Franny slept peacefully beside him. He looked up and out of the window, sure enough, James's window was opposite there's. He was right, they were window buddies. A blush rose to his face, he hadn't shut the curtains and they fornicated with their lights on, what if he had seen? He didn't feel embarrassed like he thought, it was more shame because he didn't want James to see that. 

Why couldn't he get James out of his head? It was starting to really annoy him now, he couldn't even have sex with his wife without thinking of his stupid eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH the comments on this have just been amazing. I am so full of love and warmth from all of you. I stopped writing for a few months during the pandemic cause my mum got sick and my da dis high risk, so I was just super stressed all the time. It's nice to get back into writing for my boys and have this type of response and attention, it fills with me so much joy. I hope you continue to like this, I am going to introduce Brock Rumlow... he's always the Stucky main antagonist but I got some fun things to use him for. 
> 
> Steve mentioned that this has happened before when he was a young boy and his mother had to step in, wonder what that is about? ;)
> 
> Also ALL of the ideas given to me on the previous chapter I'll be using at some point, so keep an eye out for your recommendation to this story.  
> I'll be responding to comments on this chapter at 1pm UK time, so if you wanna have a chat about this story so far then I'll be around then :) xx


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